More than meets the I

Vince and I have taken to chatting with each other in old text-based adventure game style. With that in mind, today's quote:

4:51 PM
Vince: /Examine brain.
Jeannette: You see a dark, scary place, with bizarre swirling colors and what look like Hebrew letters drifting by. You seem to hear several deities clamoring for attention. Also, there are lots of tits. What is this place?
Vince: /Close brain.
Vince: /Use sword on self.

My folks had to put my old cat down this week.

His name was Misfit, but he was called Kitty, Kittyboy, and several other derivatives of his species rather than his name. He was all white, with one blue eye and one gold eye. My parents delivered him to my lap when I was a freshly teened girl, and for many years he was my cat -- he turned my copious black clothing white, he snuggled up beside me briefly every night, he yelled at me from the top of the stairs and I'd happily meow back (to the great annoyance of my poor father). He was a rescue cat -- we never had any idea how old he was. He was probably old when he arrived in our home.

He wasn't particularly affectionate. He wasn't sociable. He was pretty. He was often talkative -- from the safety of the top of the stairs. I tried to take him with me when I moved out, but my mother would hear none of it, which was probably a good thing -- he was not an adventurous cat, and the move would have severely traumatized him, maybe more than he could handle. So he stayed with my parents, and over time, and especially in the last year or two, he became less of a cherished pet and more of a nuisance. This may have had something to do with the fact that he started pissing all over everything my folks owned, including their very nice expensive bed. He started refusing to eat the various types of food they bought. He was old and creaky and senile, and my father was barely able to breathe due to his allergies, and it was time to let Misfit go.

It doesn't bother me that they put him to sleep. It seems to me it was the right thing to do -- he was unaware of his surroundings, quite obviously mentally sick if not so much physically. What bothers me is that it seems to be more of a relief for everyone than something to mourn. When we put Buckeye, my old basset hound, to sleep, after she became terribly old and sick and her back legs didn't work anymore, the whole family cried like babies over her. Mom still tears up when she thinks of Jasbo, the dog she had when I was a baby, who died of breast cancer. But no one cried for Misfit. I can't even cry for him and he was my cat throughout my teenage years. I would sob inconsolably if something happened to my Noma (remember when something did happen and I freaked the fuck out?).

I wish I could cry for him. I know it's silly, but I feel like he deserves it. Like he's out there somewhere and he's hurt because all anyone feels is relief that he's gone (and a measure of guilt from my mother who's got the same gee-shouldn't-we-feel-worse feeling that I do). He's still going on the Christmas tree, in a picture frame, along with our other past pets, but somehow it just feels different. Will this be some sort of bad karma? Am I reading too much into it?

A moment of silence, please, for the misfit cat, whom I loved though I do not weep for him. Rest in peace, little kittyboy.

I love you!

I am not as in shape as I think I am.

To the sports store! I fear they will turn me away upon sight, but if I can manage to make it past the guards at the entrance I intend to pick up weights and things. My teacher has explained to me the best way to be able to do the Super Belly Dancer Secret Handshake (i.e. the impossible levitate-off-the-floor stuff) is to start some weight/circuit training, and so I will Make It Happen! (Shut UP, Mariah, no one invited you.)

But, meanwhile, I did just a few squats yesterday with a ten pound weight and today I am having difficulty making it downstairs without falling. Weak.

In other news, my man is having him some birthday this weekend; hopefully I will have some decent blackmail photos to show off afterward. By God, I think there will even be some booze! And y'all know how much I drink. If you don't know how much I drink, the answer is very, very, very little. The last time I got drunk was almost a year and a half ago. (It wasn't pretty.)

Alcohol has never been a good friend of mine. I don't like how it tastes -- any of it. Also, I have a much higher tolerance than you'd expect of a mini weakling like me, so it takes way too much to get me drunk and then of course I get hangovers of doom the next day. No thank you. Beyond that, I am not a huge fan of the feeling of being drunk, either. I don't like stumbling and slurring my speech and eventually puking and fixin' to die. The good news is, I've never suffered from the inhibitions most people need alcohol to overcome, so I feel like I'm not terribly at a disadvantage.

... heh! Two years ago I would have laced that with much heavier innuendo ... at this point I'm mainly referring to singing in front of a crowd. Gonna make it happeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen ... ah, forget it. :-D

Non-political prelude:

Last night Cliff and I played Scrabble, and I am particularly proud of the fact that I managed to play "Jungian," "meatballs," and "squid" legitimately all in one game. See, our Scrabble is much more fun than the regular version because anything goes as long as it's funny -- hence games which include "OMGLOLZ," "whoreot" (the Hebrew feminine plural of "whore," of course), and "gimphat," which is just a synonym for dunce cap, as I'm sure you knew already. Scoring? You win if you make people laugh. Rules. Bah.


Speaking of which ...

I heard something on NPR the other day, and I have been trying to find more information on it so as to be able to explain it intelligently. Bush apparently quietly signed into law a restriction on courts' hearing cases against the "In God We Trust" motto, as well as against the pledge of allegiance in schools. You can't even fight those anymore -- it will get you nowhere. I am thoroughly creeped out by our would-be emperor. And I can't find much on it -- proof that no one considered it important enough to cover? Where's the liberal media when I need it?

In Googling for more information on bills such as these, I came across the following article. It's long and somewhat outdated, but it is very much worth the read:

Bush Challenges Hundreds of Laws

From the article:

Far more than any predecessor, Bush has been aggressive about declaring his right to ignore vast swaths of laws -- many of which he says infringe on power he believes the Constitution assigns to him alone as the head of the executive branch or the commander in chief of the military. (because I'm sure Dubya has the entire Constitution memorized)

"He agrees to a compromise with members of Congress, and all of them are there for a public bill-signing ceremony, but then he takes back those compromises -- and more often than not, without the Congress or the press or the public knowing what has happened, said Christopher Kelley, a Miami University of Ohio political science professor who studies executive power.

Bush has also said he can bypass laws requiring him to tell Congress before diverting money from an authorized program in order to start a secret operation, such as the ''black sites" where suspected terrorists are secretly imprisoned.

David Golove, a New York University law professor who specializes in executive-power issues, said Bush has cast a cloud over the whole idea that there is a rule of law," because no one can be certain of which laws Bush thinks are valid and which he thinks he can ignore.

"A president who ignores the court, backed by a Congress that is unwilling to challenge him," Golove said, "can make the Constitution simply 'disappear.'"


He's the reincarnation of Caligula! At least now he'll (hopefully) meet some firmer opposition to his power-hungry-hungry-hippo approach. What will '08 bring us?

Okay, I'm really trying to cut back on the politics, honest. :)

HahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahaha

It's nearly 2am and I'm awake for the fourth night in a row, give or take. Ever since I've been sick I cannot seem to sleep the whole night through -- whether it's extreme difficulty falling asleep in the first place, or managing to fall asleep only to be woken up in the middle of the night by something or other (I love you, dear, but you've been snoring a lot lately), I am seriously in need of some zzzs. I am getting successively bitchier and crazier with each night this goes on, and looking more and more like hell the next day, as my sweet and wonderful coworker Jess helpfully points out. Tonight I thought I'd abandon my usual strategy of lay in bed/on couch and hope to fall back alseep (something which never works for anyone and works even less for me, it seems) and pursue some other activity that might help.

I've had trouble sleeping for years. I envy people who can nod off wherever and whenever they like. With rare exception, I can't sleep on planes or on road trips. Generally when I lay down in bed and turn the lights off it's a good 1/2 hour or so before I manage to drift off, and that's on a good night. Generally I read a book until I can't see straight anymore, and then once I turn out the light I might manage to get to sleep on a reasonable time frame, but that's only if I gauge it right. God forbid I have anything pressing on my mind, because then I'm never going to get there. Herbal supplements work for me sometimes, but not right now because I'm out of them. Tea should help but doesn't. I refuse to try things like Tylenol PM or real sleep aids in the fear that I would truly become dependent upon them. Most any noise bothers me too much to ignore it. Can't really listen to music. Meditation techniques don't work. I don't drink and so can't pass out into a stupor (though even that's sounding nice right about now). It used to be the case that if I couldn't sleep in bed, a change of scenery would help put me right out; even that fails me now. What is the deal? It is SO frustrating.

Anyone out there share this dilemma? Got any sure-fire tricks or suggestions? I'll take anything. It's not fair of me to keep elbowing Cliff in the ribs every time he snores -- and fuck, by the time I'm awake enough to notice his snoring that already means it's going to be a long time before I'm dreaming again. This isn't due to caffeine, unless the coffee I stop drinking at 10am is still affecting my system twelve hours later. I'd love to test that hypothesis but it will have to wait until after I claw my way through my workday tomorrow. Oy.

I suppose it's time to attempt sleep again. Wish me luck -- I really need it at this point. With any luck I'll go into a weekend-long coma and recover fully. G'night.

The Right was right about us.

(Not really ... but it's pretty damn funny.)


... too soon?

*huge sigh of relief*

It's a good day.

I have to be honest and say despite my best efforts I did not manage to get out and vote. There are better people than I am who go vote despite illnesses; I am not a member of their ranks yet. I was, however, finally able to eat most of a bowl of soup and some salad last night and not throw it back up, so that's encouraging even if it was a bit too little too late for my patriotic duty. I am ashamed, I admit. But it is still a good day.

I wonder how Gates ("a close friend of the Bush family") will do as Rumsfeld's replacement? I have to imagine most anything would be better but we are talking about politicians here, and I don't know how much good another Bush puppet will do. But I do think getting Rumsfeld out is a good step. Cross your fingers for the Senate, and then cross your fingers that the Democrats will prove that they are worthy of the votes they just received.

Man, what is WITH me and these politics lately? I gotta quit this or I'll get disowned for real! ;-)

Man, I hate getting sick. All the more because I don't get paid sick time at work yet. *sigh*

Life rolls along, however; I have made myself some Goals. Within a year I want to be dancing professionally, and put a website together for it. Sometime before I die I want to go out for the Belly Dancer of the Universe competition. On a smaller scale, I am working on improving my zill playing and my balance/turns. They are currently not stellar but one by one I will overcome my imperfections until I am Awesome. Oh yes. :)

Video sometime this week, I hear; that is, if it turns out all right. ;-) And I hope I am not sick tomorrow since tomorrow is vote for the first time day. Have I mentioned how you should get out and vote? (And yes, my opinion is not for republicans, but first things first.)