More than meets the I

All right. I think I'm ready to be sexy again.

My pendulum was stuck on the side marked "SLUTOMATIC 5000" for a long time -- a while too long, as we all know. And then, a Halloween ago, it suddenly and somewhat violently swept to the side labeled "FRUMPOPRUDE IN 3D," and it's been stuck there ever since. I've had far too many posts analyzing my own sexuality so I don't want to make this yet another one, but let me just say that I think I have overfrumped it this past year. :-\ I wear boring clothes, I might wear mascara on a good day, I don't bother with my hair, etc. etc. etc. I think it's time to see what's in the middle of the pendulum arc. (My metaphor is suffering but I don't care.) :)

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want to go all Scottsdale-trophy-wife here, with eight pounds of makeup and foot high hair and plastic surgery appointments every other Friday. Nor am I going to be returning to the Jeannette-of-yore who showed off her calves and cleavage and everything in between. But, I am in great shape, I'm not a bad looking girl, and I have a boyfriend who doesn't mind showing off a hot girlfriend once in a while, and I'll just have to kick that girl's ass and send her packing so I can have that distinction again. Haha just kidding. :-|

The thing is, I think I can finally do sexy healthily. I'm not just a set of tits anymore, not just an old man magnet. You know what? It's sexy to be smart. It's sexy to be honest and outspoken. It's sexy to be a belly dancer and not a stripper. It's sexy to be a classy gal who happens to like being tied up now and again. And I think it is safe to put just a bit more effort into my appearance sometimes, without overdoing it, of course. Maybe wear something a bit more exciting than boring Target shirts and ill-fitting jeans. Maybe get a pair of shoes that aren't scuffed all to hell and fill with rocks whenever I cross a patch of gravel.

'Course, now the problem is bothering to acquire a new wardrobe to go with the new attitude ... but first things first, eh? And hey, since I received a sewing machine for xmas I might become an autofashionista. Or something. I can't believe I just made that word up. Gah, I have to go now, forget I said anything. ;-)

Ohhhhh, potato cream cheese soup and tuna. How do I love thee, let me count the ways -- wait, fuck the counting, I need to figure out how to purchase a bathtub's worth.

I am in that pleasant window when the obligatory Christmas shopping is finished and I haven't yet paid attention to the credit card bill. I am growing fat and happy on stuffed mushrooms and gingerale salad and peanut clusters and fudge chews and ham and potatoes and crab dip and baby havarti with dill and far too many other foods, and feel relaxed for the first time in a while. It's niiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.

My delicious boyfriend got me Pixel Blocks for the holiday, so expect pictures of lovingly recreated Links and Triforces and ... maybe stuff that doesn't come from Zelda, I haven't decided yet. :)

Merry Christmas to all who want one, and happy things to everyone else!

I don't have one yet (*sigh*) but it's a good thing I learned all this before getting one!

*grin*

Today's amusement:


ACTUAL ENGLISH SUBTITLES USED IN FILMS MADE IN HONG KONG


1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.

2. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.

3. Gun wounds again?

4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.

5. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.

6. Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!

7. Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.

8. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?

9. Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.

10. You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.

11. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!

12. You daring lousy guy.

13. Beat him out of recognizable shape!

14. I have been scared shitless too much lately.

15. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!

16. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.

17. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?

18. How can you use my intestines as a gift?

19. This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and leave them out on the dessert flour for your aunts to eat. [sic, of course]

20. Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your gynecologist for a thorough examination.

21. Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some ass of the giant lizard person.

At least one person will catch that title. ;-)

I was back in the land of 80-degrees-all-winter for Thanksgiving. Cliff and I had decided to drive my car. "Hey!" we said. "Can't be worse than dealing with the airports, right?" We packed Chris and my mother's "grandkitty" in the back and left at a leisurely 8:30am of a Friday morning, expecting to get into Phoenix around 8pmish with the time change. Hahahahahahaha. I finally pulled into my parents' house around 1am. "Well!" we said. "We'll leave earlier on Sunday for the drive back, and it won't be so bad because we won't hit any rush hour traffic." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. The drive back took us longer (18 hours for a normally 11ish trip), because it seems everyone else had the same brilliant idea we had, which was namely to avoid airports. It didn't help that we were on the road with the National Association of Fuckhead Drivers. Honestly, people -- when two lanes of traffic are crawling along at 15mph, exactly how much faster do you think you are going to get home by jumping back and forth between the lanes and forcing everyone behind you to slam on your brakes? Gah!

That being said, the actual time in Arizona was wonderful. I think I can say with certainty that my father and I genuinely enjoyed hanging out with each other for the first time in ... in ... I'm not sure how long. I helped him work on one of his cars, and we had easy, pleasant conversation instead of the forced dialogue we'd employed for so many years. I think it really helps that I snapped out of my resentful asshole phase months back. ;-) Mom and I spent some quality time putting up our little Christmas village and blasting George Michael, Heidi and Justin &c. and I got a power-packed chunk of time in there, and to round out the trip I spent a lovely evening with Cliff's family. It's so difficult to fit everyone into three short days, and apologies to those I just couldn't see.

I have a warm fuzzy feeling inside still from my Thanksgiving, and it comes purely from the fact that I think my family and I are finally good together. We'd been better for a while, but it hadn't really been tested. It feels great to have passed the test, I think, with flying colors. Now, it will certainly take more time to really get to a solid buddy-buddyness (especially with Dad, since he and I have been estranged for so long, and since he is still reserved about believing I'm really over my asshole phase) but I am confident it will keep getting better. Hooray!